Tuesday, 30 June 2009

  • balancing act.


    my current therapist [me] says i should counter every negative thought by coming up with a positive thought to cancel it out.

    so.

    - i'm sick of hearing the pounding bass and shitty auto-tune that hurts my ears every time someone 'bumps' their music when driving down my street.
    + i can always put on headphones and listen to the good music on my ipod.
    - my ipod is broken.
    + i can listen to music on my computer.
    - my computer is broken too.
    + i can use someone else's computer, like i'm doing now.
    - this computer is annoying.
    + i can take a break from using the computer by reading instead.
    - all my books are buried in a giant 'for sale' bag, covered by a bunch of crap.
    + i can sell those things to earn some money.
    - it looks like only two of my ebay items are going to sell.
    + i'll be making money if/when i accept this job offer that i really want.
    - the salary is kind of low.
    + i can always try to negotiate the salary to a more acceptable amount.
    - the guy who's hiring me is out of town all week.
    + i have more time to plan out my negotiation strategy.
    - i don't like being in this 'limbo state' between getting an offer and accepting it/starting work.
    + i'll still be able to keep my current job until i start that one.
    - the library is booooring.
    + i hardly do any work there but still get paid.
    - even so, i've managed to be late for/miss work nearly half the time.
    + it's okay, because at least i'm operating at my own pace.
    - i don't like the habits that being consistently lazy about work are instilling in me.
    + habits can always be kicked.
    - they take a very long time and a whole lot of will to kick.
    + i'm down to smoking only 4-5 cigarettes a day.
    - 28-35 minutes off my life every day.
    + i watched some fucking sick anti-smoking videos today and they really made me consider trying to quit.
    - then what will i do with my time?  fall into a bottomless pit of thinking and feeling down?
    + more time to make music, read, etc.
    - i'm presently uninspired, just playing my two finished songs over and over again.
    + at least you'll get better at playing them.
    - even so, people say my voice sucks.
    = OH WELL WHAT CAN YA DO.

    + stop whining, that's what. do somethin' about it.

    - this limbo state is annoying.  for some reason it feels like i -didn't- get the job, even though it's already been offered to me.
    + but i DID get an offer.
    - if the guy's out of town all week maybe he'll rethink it and retract the offer.
    = THAT'S THE KIND OF DUMB THINKING THAT RUINS EVERYTHING.
    + stop whining.

    ? i feel like 'leaving everything behind, getting in the car and never coming back again', again.
    = i think i'm just afraid of falling into another undesirable routine.
    + maybe i'll end up really enjoying my new job.

    ? maybe.
    + and if not i can always leave everything behind get in the car and never come back again!
    ! yeah!

    = ridiculous entry.
    + least it cheered myself up a bit, that's all that matters... this ain't no blog.

    on that note -- i know this song is incredibly old, but if you haven't ever heard it -- or haven't in a while -- well, yr in for a treat.

    A Nervous Tic Motion of the He - Andrew Bird

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